I’m happy for you…..

I recently realized that at times im happy fo others not being happy…but dats only sometimes and this realization got me thinking..

How many times have you truely been happy for someone apart from you and your family??….How many times have you felt that overwhelming joy that fills your heart for others..i have felt it, not many times to be honest but yes quite a few to mention. our happiness and joy can cum from various happenings… it might be an self achievement, a hugh success, a simple thought, a selfless act and seemingly wrong but others loss or geief too….

Now leaving apart my near and dear ones there are times i feel happy over others misfortunes too.. i might sound like a psycho..or demon…but its with all of us.. truely answer this..have felt great that your competition didn’t get that promotion which you had applied for too…. felt happy that the entire class failed the TEST only u passed it…or as  simple as an underachievement of a bragger….

It dosen’t sound great, but underneath that consoling setnence is a “THANK GOD! it wasn’t me!!”.. behind that comforting smile is a “u never deserved it anyways!” and no matter what front we put up…we secretly smile that we made it and he(they) didn’t….but its not us to blame… its the competition… the way being looked down on is  a trend for the achievers..the social pressures of proving ur worth by a single achievement…its all this comparison that has made our scale of success a measure of others failures….

So are we evil to be happy for the not so happy….not really… i think… i say.. its just very HUMAN.! 

Not Lost.. Just Saved…

Have you ever loved someone at one point in life ..but it never turned to be for lifetime.. it makes me think that was it love or something else…

I sure have had such a thing.. i cared for him, thought of him, understood him, shared my heart and soul with him.. was there for him. was selfless for him..i think i was in LOve with him…then something happened.. i started realizing that no matter how much i want  he’s not what i want.. not what will make me happy.. n not whom i can make happy..n i parted ways with him..(i say I coz it was not mutual) n thats how i remember him now.. d one i loved so dearly..

but i had to leave him.. because i knew that inspite of being my friend, and so good for me.. it would never be for lifetime.. my commitment for him was making me loose my responsibilities.. my life.. n if it carried on i would no longer love him past a certain time..

So the question is HAVE I LOST MY LOVE???not really!! i don’t think so.. i just saved it.. i’ve saved all those good memories from becoming bitter… saved my love from turning into regret… saved my feelings from becoming numb…not lost my love for him.. just saved it from being gone…

Sometimes things are just not meant to be..  n if u can’t decide on that(like me). then just leave it. n move ahead..no one can steal wat is yours….as for me . . im happy not to lose anything…

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Have you ever watched the series F.R.I.E.N.D.S ..im sure all of u have… at least once.. i love the series myself.. everytime i watch it . .i feel like im with them.. it feels like a new world.. where friends never leave you, no matter what! you always find your love back.. n you can laugh out anything and everything…

Its a world where nothing is taboo, u can say , speak out, free your mind of fears ….its where you just get over things.. and you keep moving ahead..its all so FUNNY…n HAPPY..

i wish our lives could be such…n when i think of it .. our lives are soo much like them…its just that we never say it.. i never want ny1 to know i had a crush on them in the past.. i feel jealous wen my friend goes out witha hot dude.. i think of so many thing  in the same way in the similiar situations.. its just that i never say. speak it..

 n maybe all of you think same things too…so i guess its our world out there .. jus a little more verbal. . jus a little more good.. n way too much FUNNY…which means even we will always have our friends, good things will happen .. n in the end EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE!!!!!

Fitting In….

If i think of my life in all… my childhood…boarding school..high school..college.. n now where i am.. there’s this one thing that has been constant.. trying to FIT IN…

During my childhood i was the naughty one of the siblings, so every1 wanted me to be like my sister, sweet talker and polite..i don’t know if i tried hard to be that n fit in..but i certainlt remember a lot of comments on how i was long after that phase.. rather even today i hear them.

In my boarding school, i never had many freinds just a few to name and my family always made fun of that.. So what if i did not get along with many people.So what if not many people spoke good about me..So what???…

I went to college and again was named the unfriendly one(now its not like i keep picking up fights or bitching around, i just interact much with those i don’t know well)… i go to parties and keep looking for ways to get out of them.. somewhere somehow i know i don’t FIT IN..   n few years back it started with my clothes too.. i had(n still have) put on extra pounds and i found myself struggling to fit into my n my sister’s clothes…

It all makes me feel so lonely.. like i don’t belong. n believe me thats not a very good feeling..like something is wrong in you .. within you. It makes me wonder that is it just because what i’ve been listining about myself all these years that makes me feel so.. or is there actually something wrong with…Do i actually belong somewhere???… someplace exists that dosen’t make me want to run away??…where no one is judging my actions and behavior.. where i am happy to be just me.. n not thinkinng of changing myself..

I know they say its all in your attitude.. if u think ur happy u will b.. but its not that simple.. i sometimes am happy but not comfortable..at times im uncomforatble with my own body n how i look…

I’ve tried and am still trying to change my attitude .. but then i think its just another way to Fit In .. this time…into a HAPPY ME..

Can i Write????

Its happened to many times.. i’ve thought of ideas and as i sat to jot them down.. i never completed them.. i usually  got stuck thinking if this would be relevant to what im writing or will anyone find this interesting or not.

i love the thought of being a writer.. struggling with your thoughts and ideas. penning every word in your brain…n everything about it..

but it scrares me so much. .that i don’t even begin with anything. . thinking i won’t be any good at it..so i wonder is writing a skill inborn or developed.. can i or can’t i.. do my words mean anything to anyon eapart from me.. will they inspire and pull the reader into the world i create…well. . i guess there’s no other way to find out than just start with it…

looking forward..

Im a very impulsive person.. and to top it judmental too.. i judge everthing and everyone i see and make stern opinions.. which are hard to alter..but life has always pushed me towards change. changes that i don’t recognize.. that i don’t see coming.. that i don’t feel absorbing me.

Its just when u think this is how it is and will always be, that everything changes.. i thought i could never be polite and humble…n dats wen i lost someone so dear n realized the importance of caring and saying it out.. when  i thought i would never learn to adjust that life threw on me a phase whrere all i could do was adapt and it carried on until i learnt the lesson .. then i believed that friends will always b there for u no matter wat u do..again i learnt a lesson wen a dear friend gave up on me bcoz i took her for granted …getting myself into no friends situation i learnt on how important it is to have good friends …. then i thought my luck had given up on me too.. n that too a long tym bac.. n suddenly it shone back on me.. i thought i could never find my friend back.. n when i made an effort i got her back.. i learnt its always worth trying.. i assumed that i never get waht i actually deserve.. n Vola!!!!… i got that too….

during all these pleasant and testing times of my life the best learnt lesson was… never loose hope.. coz there is always something to look forward to. . n when we are not even looking . its comes looking for us… 

forgiveness

Just few weeks back i gave myself a gift, a gift to forgive and forget. Inmy college I had a fight with my Best friend, now think of it i don’t even rememeber why we fought, anyways since then we stopped talking at all, she moved out of our appartment, we never had any interaction since, until a few weeks back ,i heard she was moving to another city for her job and would not be returning for another year or so.

I always had the feeling that i was wrong, not fair and should appologise..but could never get myself to do so, but when I heard she was leaving I knew I had to speak to her,  about what I didn’t know. So, i called her up and to my suprise she was delighted(an unexpected reaction), she was so happy to hear from me, and then we chatted like we used to, the very moment she spoke of how glad she was to hear from me i forgave her and myself for all the wrong we did to ourselves and each other.

Its strange but when you forgive  someone, you silently forgive yourself too. .for not forgiving whom we should. It somehow releases your guilt of being arrogant, stubborn and human enough to keep your ego above your feelings. Its an art to be learnt and taught, its the most selfless act we conduct for others and yet the most relieving . It brings you to peace with yourself and a kind of overwhelming joy to be able to move on…

So all of you who are still holding on to grudges,never got over that silly comment or how you were embarrassed(intetionally or unintentionally) something you said, something you never heard, get over it.. talk it out and make your life a move complete and happy stay, because whether we acknowledge it or not, life and time will not stay forever and s won’t we..

methinker