Bitterness..

I realize I have it in me and am not very proud of it. It tastes bad to others but much worse to my soul. It surfaces me when there is some injustice, some wrong i can’t correct, some right things I cannot speak up and also at times when i am selfish.

I understand people have differences but that dosen’t mean they’re not human, they don’t feel hurt and ironically the person writing this dosen’t so seem to remember any of it when needed to.

Its this sudden jealousy, this evil, this disobedient me that takes over when I’m bitter and resons I don’t know. Its moc of anger and pain, its like you want to hurt the other as bad as it hurts you, but because you realize that even that won’t change what is the present that hurts yourself now.

At times its also difficult to accept that you can’t, or you missed and someone else got it, that you don’t play hard enough and someone else leaps at the chance and grabs it in front of you. I don’t know how to not get here and just let it go.. i really don’t and all i know is that it is not good for me.

This bitterness just make s me what i’m not and that is ‘less good than anybody’ or ‘mean’ and ‘eveil’. im not. So i’ll try and not let these feelings and bad things get to me and clutter up my mind by thinking who’s how bad and rather try to invest my energy on appreciating my own good.

Care a damn! I don’t

Ever since I have started taking decisions, and I’m not talking about the great and life changing ones, I always get commented as you don’t care about anyone else. I had heard it so many times that I believed it. But it turns out its not!

If I really analyze most of my actions, they are sometimes selfish, mostly to hide something fro hurting my loved ones, impulsive reactions, no intentions of hurting people and later on thought upon, about their effect on others. I really do think about what might people think. Its just that I’m a free thinker, an emotional person, a just head and mostly very trust my own judgement blindly at instants.

This might not be the best thing, but yes i never turn my back on what I think correct. I always follow my heart, am brutally honest and can be very interfering also.

I realized a few thing I need to correct though;

1. Not every judgement of mine needs to be screamed aloud

2. Its not polite to be brutally honest, sometimes you just need to shut up instead of hurting or lying.

3. Not saying what you feel about something doesn’t make you on the wrong side.

4. Impulsive judgements are usually the worst ones.

5.  ignore your loved ones does not mean keeping them from getting hurt.

6. If you care show it, it the only wat to let them know.

7. being emotional doesn’t make you weak.

8. Anger only makes you destroy what is left.

9. Its alright to take things lightly sometimes

10. Its good to laugh at jokes made on you and enjoy the moments

Against my instinct..

 Have you seen the episode of ‘Seinfeld’ where Jerry suggests George to go opposite to his instinct and it works so well. He introduces himself as a 30 year old living with his parents to a woman in the resturant, instead of lying about living alone(his instinct) and she laughs and gets along well with him.

Well, I recently  realized I’m no different. No, I’m not 30 years old, but am living with my parents, bt what struck me was that most of my instant reactions and instinctive ways are soo wrong. i always land up making a fool out of myself and most of the times everyone gets to know whatever it was I was hiding int he first place.

So I decided not to go by what comes instantly to me, which is motly not pleasent(maybe because I’m short tempered, its not an excuse i know). And its only beena few days but it works sometimes. But now I’m getting confused. How can i leave what my mind says and follow just the opposite. It not fair. Not fair to me. Its like you are fighting yourself all the time. But you know what its working for me and atleast externally its is. I think I’m saying less of mean things and blunt honest tongue has stopped giving unwanted reflections of truth. But its hard to keep it all inside.

maybe i’ll learn with time. Learn to shut up. But it still dosen’t leave my mind. As long as im hurting less people and not amking anyone feel bad i think its ok.

Is it??

Sometimes we realize and feel each day, every second and even every breath leave us. We know where we are and whats going on. But there are times when you don’t know what time , which phase and which moment you are in. Its just that traffic buzz, office stress, regrets of past, feelings unsaid, husled minds that make us loose the moments.

The best and most happy times of my life have been when i’m here. in this moment, living it, knowing it. There have been times when i look back and say ‘really, where did all that time go?’. And times when i ask myself ‘Is, it?, where was i allthis while?’.

Its ok to think of your past mistakes and learn, but not good to linger onto them, fine to dream of the future,but not sleep over you present.

Because this is LIFE! not what you will be 3 years fromnow, not when you will meet your soulmate,not when you earn billions.. but now.. this moment . SO LETS LIVE IT UP TODAY!!!!.. and make the BEST OF IT!