Bitterness..

I realize I have it in me and am not very proud of it. It tastes bad to others but much worse to my soul. It surfaces me when there is some injustice, some wrong i can’t correct, some right things I cannot speak up and also at times when i am selfish.

I understand people have differences but that dosen’t mean they’re not human, they don’t feel hurt and ironically the person writing this dosen’t so seem to remember any of it when needed to.

Its this sudden jealousy, this evil, this disobedient me that takes over when I’m bitter and resons I don’t know. Its moc of anger and pain, its like you want to hurt the other as bad as it hurts you, but because you realize that even that won’t change what is the present that hurts yourself now.

At times its also difficult to accept that you can’t, or you missed and someone else got it, that you don’t play hard enough and someone else leaps at the chance and grabs it in front of you. I don’t know how to not get here and just let it go.. i really don’t and all i know is that it is not good for me.

This bitterness just make s me what i’m not and that is ‘less good than anybody’ or ‘mean’ and ‘eveil’. im not. So i’ll try and not let these feelings and bad things get to me and clutter up my mind by thinking who’s how bad and rather try to invest my energy on appreciating my own good.