The past months of my life have got me thinking “Am i a cribber?”, one who always finds fault in everything around and only cries about it, does nothing to improve it, looks back at the past to find it good, looks at others and their lives to feel jealous and does nothing for herself but wine about the bad life they have.
Yes, I accept that I have been complaining a lot lately, its my work, its no work. I come to the office, sit idle or do the itsy bitsy like preparing a report that goes at the end of the day, keep checking and altering it again and again, keep searching the net, read mails, surf more net, eat lunch, then tea, send the reports(2) and leave. its like there’s no reason (apart from the money), no passion, no creativity( hard in IT field), no productivity and also no usefullness. Am I the one to blame if I feel the situation is bad and I can’t change it, coz I need the money for my family. I know its the worst of situatons that test your strength and patience, but I seem to be loosing it all now.
I noticed that I am usually into negative talking, saying bad and thinking of all the bad too. I am worried. I don’t want to loose my liveliness( whatever is left) and I want to be positive and ahppy.
People and my surroundings have always affected me greatly, but I still fail to let negative people from getting to me. There’s always good and bad, but how do you stop the bad from spoiling all your good. I am so worried about my state of mind. i ust cannot sit idle like this. Even as I say this I know I will have to be here atleast till I find a better place, which might tale 2-3 months, but seriously all these people sitting idle with no work, no enthusiasm makes me sick. it makes me feel like I’m dead. Man this place sucks!
Also I know I’m a very impulsive person, I react very fact, make judgements very quickly, give away my word very easily and by the standards of an IT professional this might be just a little down time(2 mnths now), but this uselsss and no energy work is so not good for me, professionally and also personally.
I funny you know, I want to work, take challenges, deadline, prove my worth, give my best, deliver great results but they won’t give me work. I couldn’t be coz I’m not efficient, coz on my last project I did excellently. The only reason I can think of is this bitchy senior of mine, who has btw gothe position by getting into the managers pants( that’s the rumour). These people SUCK!
All this also makes me think if at all I am in the right place, not organization but profession. I don’t know, all I know I want to save myself from this bloody useless people. I want to live life, work hard and get the results I deserve. And believe me I deserve so much more and better.
If anyone has ideas of how to save myself, do let me know.
