Just like the weather..

these days  being a mix of everything, I am also drifting between the cold chills mornings and sweaty heartless afternoons. Within a span of few hours, I am experiencing daydreaming, restlessness, anxiety, boredom and many other things..Its like a puzzle made from several other puzzles. 

I feel like I have less control over whats going on but the truth is I don’t want to take the reins in my hands coz then it would be me leading myself and I would be the reason being being wherever I am.

What I really want? I still have to find out. But my mind is not still to even go there. Its jumping around and playing away. I am scared of deciding, scared that I decide and know what I want and then do nothing about it. I couldn’t live with myself if that happens and the thing is that I know I will still live even if it happens,. So I’m delaying something that I don’t even know will happen or not. I sound like a ‘coward’ and that I know is not me.

There’s also some self-pity that I need to do away with. I know I fallback on it many times and now I should learn to stand by myself.  I want to keep myself busy and making a decision rather any decision is really nerve cracking for me.

Whats stopping me from the truth , I don’t know.

Hope the weather decides on something soon..hot or cold.