In the last 23 years of my life, there have been but few instances that I found myself surrounded by a group of people, talking, chatting, laughing and actually living that moment. Now of course we are leaving out the family here coz your family cannot be counted as part of you social crowd, they mean much more. I remember in school, i used to be my sister’s tail and follow her around, I hadonly one good friend at a time and maybe two maxed for small durations. I even remember myself sitting alone in the ground while my sister was having a good time witha bunch of kids, i would blankly look around, walk around and sit there ‘alone’. its kind of weird, coz adults i know get weird and have weird reasons to be alone for space, thinking and all reasons which can be understood by only the person who is giving those reasons, but children are always around children, if not playing then fighting(which i did a lot!) or something or the other. But children don’t be alone.
If I look at my so called little social life right now, its pretty much the same, I only have one good friend at a time , a not by my choice situation. Its difficult to have s many important people in your life and then knowing exactly who is how much important and when who takes the priority and your time and who doesn’t. Not that I had to go thorough all this deciding many times, but yes a few and even imagining it boggles me. I have more than I can remember moments of being alone, walking alone, sitting alone. I have hardly made any new friends since school, two of count. I go to parties( mostly with my sister) and meet people but have not actually made friends, even my sisters friends are not my friends. I’ve tried hard to bond, take the first step, make a connection, understand what they are saying , but have not quite made it. Either they got on my nerves or I failed the patience to listen to utter crap(according to me that is).
So I thought am I loner kina person? those type who like to live by themselves and enjoy alone and are happy with all the time they spend with themselves only. I don’t think so, because there is one important thing to mention here, during all those lonely moments, i have always wanted company, never been happy by myself sitting in the corner and watching others. i always longed for a group of people who knew who I was, loved me , cared for me, hated me, made fun of me and just were there with me. Even today, in those alone times, i wish i have some people, not one special person, but friends you know, someone you can call and chat, who call you and chat and who know me and i know them.
There is only one time exception in my life for all the above facts, that was last four years of school. I had a group of friends and yes I was close to them and I am still in touch with the good best pals. thought we don’t talk so often and all but yes we still connect.
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